That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
