Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
The uberlube is also flammable
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
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