You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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