Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
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