glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
