I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
