We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize
