it was like his penis was on wheels.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
You need Xanax blowdarts
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
