I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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