All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Everyone says I win the strip club
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Randomize
