So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Are we still banned from the library?
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
