Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
