i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
