So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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