I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
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