Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
