So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Randomize
