I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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