How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Randomize
