I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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