I think i sorta joined a cult last night
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
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