matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
