I wish I could teleport
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
