I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
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