I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
