If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
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He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
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