so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
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