When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
