Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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