Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
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