I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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