remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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