I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
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