he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
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