Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
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