It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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