you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
