You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
