A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Randomize
