Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
