I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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