I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Randomize
