I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
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