hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
