i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
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