So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
