the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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