Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
