I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
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