Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
