I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize