I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Pappa wants mamma naked
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Randomize
