Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
