I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
