They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
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I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
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my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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