Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
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