I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Never underestimate the power of titties
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