Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
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