She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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