ADVERTISEMENT

• (773): View more from Illinois

  will power is for people who don't want to get laid

  Fav 22 4285 1007

  share tweet
  

• (561): View more from Florida

  It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.

  Fav 14 915 6583

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (630): View more from Illinois

  Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER

  Fav 10 4421 1318

  share tweet
  

• (619): View more from California

  Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex

  Fav 15 3631 1372

  share tweet
  
• 

  25 People Didn’t Realize They Were Talking To Someone Famous

  Read it at the TFLN blog
  

• (415): View more from California

  She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.

  Fav 34 5945 1494

  share tweet
  

• (318): View more from Louisiana

  Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?

  Fav 2 2582 1191

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (330): View more from Ohio

  I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call

  Fav 10 2168 842

  share tweet
  

• (502): View more from Kentucky

  So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie. 

  Fav 7 1940 873

  share tweet
  

• (720): View more from Colorado

  This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.

  Fav 1 1487 630

  share tweet
  
• 

  21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body

  Read it at the TFLN blog
  

• (765): View more from Indiana

  Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.

  Fav 1 1020 534

  share tweet
  

• (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.

  Fav 2 848 500

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (661): View more from California

  Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.

  Fav 9 619 414

  share tweet
  

• (970): View more from Colorado

  Did we have sex last night?

  (317): View more from Indiana

  No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.

  Fav 3 628 228

  share tweet
  

• (630): View more from Illinois

  I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.

  Fav 1 46 11

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (425): View more from Washington

  I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.

  Fav 0 75 9

  share tweet
  

Randomize