Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
10+ Incredible Tumblr Stories That Will Leave You Shook
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
16 People Who Have Raised The Bar For Petty Revenge
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT