i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?