will power is for people who don't want to get laid
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
25 People Didnâ€™t Realize They Were Talking To Someone Famous
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.