Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(804): View more from Virginia

No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.

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(443): View more from Maryland

Just cropdusted the office

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(630): View more from Illinois

He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.

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(401): View more from Rhode Island

After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple

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19 Characteristics That Make People Instantly Attractive
Read it at the TFLN blog
(414): View more from Wisconsin

Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.

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(336): View more from North Carolina

Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye

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(702): View more from Nevada

whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.

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(609): View more from New Jersey

I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor

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(613): View more from Ontario

I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.

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