Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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