Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
