Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
